Twitter Is Full of Morons

The Grammys aired last night. I wouldn't know. The moment the news broke of Whitney Houston's death, you knew everyone was going to tune into the ceremony the following night to see a room full of celebrities pretend like they cared about her. Save for Jennifer Hudson, because she's awesome.

Paul McCartney also performed and, according to Buzzfeed, many took to the Twitter to collectively respond, "Who the fuck is Paul McCartney?" Sigh. Now before you say or do anything rash, remember a majority of these Twitters are kids and will be the people running the world and taking care of us when we're out of our minds, pooping our pants all day and watching Judge Judy.

Best course of action: wipe out the current teenage population and start over.

Volkswagen Super Bowl 2012 Spot Is Wonderful - Until It Shoehorned Star Wars In

Last year, Volkswagen by all account "won" the annual competition of who could deliver the best Super Bowl TV spot. You remember it was about the little boy in his Darth Vader costume, to the tune of John Williams in the background, trying to use the Force at home. Perfectly cute li'l ad and you could see how everyone flipped out for it even if you’re not a Star Wars fan.

Well, here is Volkswagen's follow-up commerical to play this Sunday:

Absolutely no reason for there to be anything Star Wars related here when the commercial was already adorable on its own about a dog getting into shape. 

Ferris Bueller Will Return This Super Bowl

I know I'm in the minority here.

But part of me cringed seeing Michael J. Fox "reprising" his iconic Marty McFly character from Back to the Future for that Scream Awards ad two years ago. Yeah, it was great to see Fox (fighting Parkinson's disease with class and dignity) appearing to be in good shape and spirit. But some characters need to stay youthful. We don't need to see how they look twenty-plus years on. Part of what we associate with characters like Marty is his youth. Probably just an overreaction on my part, but I digress.

Coming Soon has noticed this teaser commercial featuring Matthew Broderick evidentially returning as the equally-iconic 80s teen hero Ferris Bueller (from John Hughes' great Ferris Bueller's Day Off) promoting...something...on the Super Bowl.

Your guess is as good as mine as to what this is for.

Who is He-Man Talking to?

It's actually taken from this kid's video-diary and someone had the good (or sick?) sense of humor to animate He-Man in his place. Presumably confessing his love for Teela, or maybe Skeletor, who knows?

Mark Wahlberg Reportedly So Powerful He Could Have Saved the Titanic

Maybe it's my generally being an idiot, but Mark Wahlberg always struck me as one of those celebrities with a dose of common sense running in his veins. That is until he opened his mouth to Men's Journal about how 9/11 would have really gone down had he been on one of those fateful planes.

Plenty of words came to mind after reading that; jackass, moron, schmuck, etc. Thankfully this being the Internet and with the advent of Photoshop (whether or not one actually has a skill with that tool), courtesy of Sher Dog, the world can now know how things would have taken place... if Mark Wahlberg was there to stop it...

The crucifixion of Christ, Titanic sinking, assassinations of JFK; it's nothing for Marky Mark dusts off his shoulders and preparing for action.