The Last Exorcism

Lets have a quick show of hands of those of you, who can actually remember the last time you went to a theater and were actually frightened by a scary movie. Go on. Throw them up there. Don't be afraid. None? Shit, me either. 

This weekend was to be the undoing of that unlucky streak of filth, which has been scary movies with the release of Eli Roth's The Last Exorcism, and, damn it, I bought into it. The Mrs. was even excited to rush to the theater to be scared. And, I have to admit, that the thought of my little lady willingly subjecting herself to an aphrodisiac didn't at all sound like a bad plan. But then something happened...we watched the movie.

For those of you, who don't know, the basic plot synopsis is that the film is shot documentary style and follows Reverend Cotton Marcus. Marcus, who's father was also a reverend, started his studying of the Bible and even preaching at a very young age as somewhat of a gimmick to draw crowds into the sleepy little Baton Rouge church. As he grew, he became almost a circus act between the pews, spreading the gospel in a very animated and entertaining way. He even jokes to the cameras that, once he had the crowd where wanted them, he could work his mother's recipe for banana nut bread into the sermon without it being noticed, which he demonstrates. 

He goes on to explain that he's performed dozens of exorcisms through the years, but admits that he's only performing a service needed to someone by using the power of suggestion, and that he himself, doesn't actually believe in demons. 

With an ailing child, for whom he needs to provide with health care, Cotton decides to document his last exorcism and expose it for what it really is. He randomly picks a letter from a stack and heads out, film crew and all to the Sweetzer farm. You get the usual foreboding comments about the place, when he asks for directions and the long, solitary dirt road leading up to the farm house provides you with that tension that lies with isolation. 

So, basically, we have a single father, who's wife died of cancer, because "big city medicine" couldn't save her. As a result of the outside world's failure, he's kept his two teenagers, Nell and Caleb, out of school and basically cut off from the rest of the planet for the past two years. But recently, livestock has been turning up slaughtered and all evidence, like a bloody dress, points toward Nell as the culprit. She, of course, has no memory of this because she blacks out when the demon takes over. 

There's a pretty funny part, in which Cotton performs his exorcism, using an array of magician tricks, like hidden speakers, an apparatus to make the bed shake, moving pictures on the walls and a cross that emits steam, when a button on the back is pressed. Almost makes you wonder if they really do that stuff.

In any case, Cotton gives his version of the "this house is clear" speech and rolls out to hotel before leaving the next day. During the night, however, who should appear at the hotel? None other than Nell, herself. Presumably under the influence of the demon, Nell sits silently, staring into nothing until she starts to vomit. Cotton and the film crew rush her to the hospital and contact her father. All tests are fine and she's sent home with some nausea medicine. 

 Once back at home, Nell attacks her brother, Caleb, with a kitchen knife and Caleb slips a note to Cotton, which reads "Don't leave her alone with him". Cotton stays with Nell, while her father takes Caleb the hospital. When they go to visit her in her room, the film makers and Cotton find her locked in her room from the outside and chained to the bed. They unshackle her and head off the bed. 

Then the good stuff starts happening. I won't completely ruin it for you, but, with that said, you've seen all the good stuff in the previews. it was very much like one of those comedies that you think you have to see, because of all the great one liners from the previews, but once you drop $20 to sit in that squeaky seat you realize that the only funny parts of the movie were in the previews. 

There are a few minor twists and turns in the third act that really set up a good scenario for the ending. And, I'll admit again to buying into it. I thought we were going to get something new and exciting, but it ended up being like at the prom, when you make all of the proper arrangements. You know, you wash and wax the car. You get the perfect tuxedo and the right flowers. You have reservations at one of those restaurants that cringe when they seen teenagers walk in and you have all the necessary precautions and lubrications for a fun filled night. Then, just when you think you're about to seal the deal, your date slips out the bathroom window and leaves you embarrassed and alone. Wait, that didn't happen to you? Me either. No, but you get my point. The ending of this movie negated all the good things leading up to it. With the last panicked few seconds of shaky filming and one final lop, it was like the entire theater collectively said "that better not be it", and then the credits roll. I mean damn.