In other breaking news, DNA results just revealed I am in fact the spawn of James Cameron. What can I say? He couldn’t keep his hands off my mom. Fuck you, bitch-monkeys. I’m outta here! I’ll spend the rest of my life living up coke and whore habits off Titanic money.
But seriously, Pajiba has some updates regarding next year’s Friday the 13th sequel which doesn’t have a greenlight or director assigned (more on that below). But it does have an August 13th release date looming over it. So it’s time to think up new ways to off horny, pot-smoking camp counselors.
Their source(s) state screenwriters Damian Shannon and Mark Swift have specifically instructed they are to kill off Jason Voorhees – thus concluding the franchise. For real. Yeah, I totally believe that too. I mean it’s not like they’ve ever sworn up and down, “This is it! We swear!” Someone involved in the entertainment industry lying? The Hell you say. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, anyone?
As for who will replace Marcus Nispel in the director’s chair, they point to visual-effects artist Richard Wardlow as the “most likely” choice. Now this, I can believe. His filmography includes Dogma, X-Men, Looney Tunes: Back in Action and Drag Me to Hell. He also has experience with 3-D, and this “final installment” will partake of that gimmick…err...technology. What a coincidence.