Dear John
Thu, April 15, 2010 
Because you never asked for it, and well because its been a very slow news day, here is my review for Dear John. Channing "The Turd" Tatum has been making a name for himself as a dancer, military man, romantic, and general douche. It should come as no surprise he's attempted to bring all this talent together for one movie, well except for dancing, I guess we'll have to wait for Step Up 3D for that, Yay!
The film, if you can call it that, also stars Amanda Seyfried. Seyfried plays Savannah, a rich Southern girl who doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, and is spending her spring break rebuilding houses for the poor by day, and hanging glumly around outdoor barbecues by night. Tatum's John is an Army guy on two-week leave in his seaside hometown, meeting Savannah through a random act of gallantry and soon escorting her everywhere around town, with plenty of random ex-boyfriends and family friends looking on in jealousy.
Savannah and John meet within the opening credits, but it takes forever for John and Savannah's romance to actually get going-- they're just too pure to rush things, I guess-- and before long the two weeks are over and the pair are communicating via letters (though the actual "Dear John" letter is still a long way off). This is all set in the spring and summer of 2001, so you know before too long someone will be staring in shock at a TV screen showing flaming towers, and John's remaining 12 months of duty are probably going to wind up being a lot more.
The longing that Savannah and John feel for each other might help move the story along, but Savannah is the kind of girl who swears she has flaws but never shows any (she wants to open a horse riding camp for autistic kids, because that doesn't sound ridiculous at all, and John is a reformed brawler who is now devoted to his emotionally distant and fragile dad, who is also a bit of a douche (only in the movie though, good actor otherwise). Savannah and John have about as much personality as characters in a pro-abstinence pamphlet. As the script lurches from one event to another, with no cause-and-effect at work whatsoever, at this point your supposed to be emotionally invested in the two main characters, Unfortunately Tatum is a turd and Seyfried fails to deliver.
While watching this it honestly felt like time stopped, the movie moved along that slow. If your looking for the same magical warm feeling 'the notebook' gave you, you won't find it here.
I give Dear John 1/5, and that's being generous.
Coming to DVD and Blu ray May 25th, But you should save your money.
Reader Comments (11)
The poster and review are equally hilarious, i just hope my girlfriend doesn't make me watch this
hahahaha The turd, thats great
I can agree with you that its not as good as notebook, but its not nearly as bad as you makeit sound here, and why is channing tatum a turd? because he is good looking or because he stars in romantic films? men everywhere seem to hate him only because women love him
Women love him? lol, not all women. and this movie is terrible.
this was funny, I'm glad they didnt cast this backstreet boy as Cap America like they rumored.
I'm extremely happy he wasn't cast as Captain America, I'm not convinced he ever really had a chance though. And yes Tatum is a turd Megan, I respect your opinion, but I think he's a turd based on the fact that he can't act and all of his movies seem to be similar in some way...I hate his persona, I can't explain it. I will never enjoy his acting or his films.
If he couldn't act why would he keep landing roles??? And how is Dear John silimar to Stop Loss or Step Up? GI Joe was a great movie too
there is alot of people in Hollywood who "can't" act but still get roles, see Megan Fox, Hot as hell but an awful actor, yet she still gets roles.
haha Megan Fox, great comparison
Megan Fox is awful, did you see jennifers body? Tatum is in a very similar league to her, good looking with no talent.
I didn't even get half way through Jennifers Body before turning it off, I will never attempt to watch it again.