Slam Evil - A Look Back On 'The Phantom' (1996)

In the first of a series I shall be calling ‘Defenders of the Crap’, Phil Gee will be taking you on a wild journey through his DVD collection to explore some of the piss poor movies he owns but, for some reason known only to himself, is very fond of.

I’d like to think I have good taste in film folks. I think I know a good film when I see it. I don’t waste my money on any old crap. But I do spend it on films like ‘The Phantom’. Why you ask?

Because ‘The Phantom’ has a lot to recommend it. It’s a film with heart, some wonderfully witty and warm performances, likeable and interesting good guys, a horrible bad guy you can’t wait to see get killed, incredible production design that brings 1930’s New York City to life as if it leapt from a pulp novel of the actual period, jungles, scary caves, evil pirate lairs, and the only time in my life where I’ve found Billy Zane remotely likeable.

Are you sold yet? Ok, I don’t blame you. I said Billy Zane and you ran away. Let me try harder.

For those not familiar with the story, I’ll fill you in. Actually, it bears mentioning (in one of many unique moments this film has) that the film literally opens with the words “for those that came in late”. It feels like a nice way of addressing people not familiar with the Phantom (and if he hadn’t been in that cartoon show ‘Defenders of the Earth’, I wouldn’t either) but we are immediately distracted by the fact that this caption has appeared in the opening ten second mark of the film. How the hell have we missed anything? Does the Paramount Pictures logo contain the secret origin of the Phantom?

Anyway, the Phantom is essentially a costumed do-gooder who lives in the mystical jungles of Bengalla, marooned there after pirates of the Singh Brotherhood kill his father and takes that typical “I swear to fight evil and defend the helpless” kind of oath. The catch with the Phantom is his mantle is passed down from father to son allowing him to continue his fight through the centuries and since the pirates he fights are idiots, they all assume it’s the same guy which earns him the title ‘the ghost who walks’. The film takes place in 1938 and involves Kit Walker, the 21^st Phantom’s efforts to track down the skulls of Tuganda which, when joined together, create the ultimate weapon, and stop them falling into the hands of the current Singh Brotherhood and Howard Hughes.

Oh yes, I said Howard Hughes, In the film he goes by the nom de plume of Xander Drax (possible relation to Hugo, I’m not sure) but watch him as he grabs his hat and coat, heads for his private plane and proclaims “we’re going to the Devil’s Vortex” and tell me it’s not Hughes. You remember me mentioning Drax as a ‘horrible’ bad guy? I meant horrible as in horribly performed, by none other than Treat Williams, who made ‘Deep Rising’ not long after this (as Kevin Smith says, “in Hollywood you just sort of fail upwards”). I can see what Williams was probably trying to do with the character; play him so calmly and laidback that it becomes much more scary when he’s using spears and booby trapped microscopes to kill lackeys. But the guy just comes off as the most laidback, almost effeminate villain in comic book movie history. He makes Judd Nelson in ‘Steel’ look like Alan Rickman. The Joker wouldn’t even waste a pencil on Xander Drax. He sucks.

So the plot is complete bollocks and the villain is completely non-threatening. ‘The Phantom’ is doing well isn’t it?

What holds the film together in-between the superlative moments of weirdness ( more on those is a second), is Billy Zane. I’ll will go on record and say that Billy Zane is bloody awesome in this film as the title character. His Phantom is like a potpourri of some of our favourite cinematic heroes. He has the gentlemanly nature of Christopher Reeve’s Superman, the physique of Batman without the rubber suit (they actually made a rubber moulded suite for Zane but he was so ribbed that he didn’t need it), and the humanity and swagger of Indiana Jones. You like Zane from the second he appears on screen and you completely forget the absurdity of a man fighting pirates in broad daylight, in a most green environment, in an all purple suit........

.....ok, maybe you don’t but I do.

What makes the film most watchable to me though , are the truly bizarre moments of witty dialogue peppered throughout the film. Rather than try and do any of them justice in this article (which would require effort), I present them to you here through the magic of YouTube. I did make this collection by the way, so I have put some effort into this:-

Till next time everyone, SLAM EVIL.