Why Didn't You Guys Just See THE LONE RANGER?

 

 Like really? Was it because you were too busy seeing your dumb little kids movie, Despicable Me 2? yeah well, I saw the first one with my ex-girlfriend so I can't look at CGI Steve Carrell without getting really upset and wanting a nice tall cold-one, so that's why *I* didn't go, and instead saw the fantastic The Lone Ranger.

And that's what Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, Jerry Bruckheimer, and Gore Verbinski want you to do: Say fuck the critics, and Go see The Lone Ranger! Well. If you live in Europe.

“It’s unfortunate because the movie is a terrific movie, it’s a great epic film. It has lots of humor. Its one of those movies that whatever critics missed in it this time, they’ll review it in a few years and see that they made a mistake.” 

Doing the press rounds for this summer's tragically flopping adventure film, Depp and Co. took to explaining why the critics killed The Lone Ranger, and you know, they're right.

“This is the deal with American critics: they’ve been gunning for our movie since it was shut down the first time,” Hammer said, “That’s when most of the critics wrote their initial reviews.”

I remember when this movie was "put on hold" and I'm like "Shit I want to see that", but all of you balding fat "nerds" went to the internet with shit like:

LOL JOHNNY DEPP SUCKS SO MUCH, DISNEY SUCKS, LOL JOHN CARTER , LOL DEPP AS AN INDIAN?! I"M SO OFFENDED B'AWWWW I WANT MORE BATMAN.

And then closer to release, the worse it got. Everyone tried so hard to ruin this film, for whatever reason, then acted like it was Disney's fault for making a good movie. Of course if you ask the "internet elite" movie critics they'll all tell you it was "mindless shitty drivel" then turn right around and have The Avengers or The Dark Knight Rises on their Top 5.

Kurtzman & Orci Set to Fuck Up Star Trek Again

Paramount must not have liked what Ashley Edward Miller and Zack Stentz submitted during their brief tenure. They're instead going back to Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci to write Star Trek 3. Damon Lindelof won't be back. Like that makes the taste in your mouth less bitter.

Despite the hopes of Karl Urban, it would be stunning to not see those Neanderthals go back to the well for 3. What are the over/under odds the Borg are the villains?

Source: The Hollywood Reporter

Christopher McQuarrie Accepts IMF Offer - Will Direct Mission: Impossible 5

"Mission: Accepted"

That single tweet, and press release shortly there after, confirms Christopher McQuarrie will direct Mission: Impossible 5 for Tom Cruise.

That is kind of it for now. A title, release date, who (if anyone) returns alongside Cruise and the newbies will be determined at a later date.

Mission: Impossible has turned into the franchise you bring in young-and-hungry fellas wet behind the ears with something to prove. More I think about McQuarrie, the less I want him on this job. One viewing of the awesome Jack Reacher shows how much he brought it. I'd rather see him off doing Christopher McQuarrie movies instead of Mission: Impossible movies, if that makes any sense.

Batman Might Be a Grizzled, Mean Bastard

"I want you to remember, Clark...in all the years to come...in your most private moments…I want you to remember...my hand...at your throat...I want you to remember...the one man who beat you."

While Zack Snyder swears they're not making The Dark Knight Returns, that line, as read by Harry Lennix at Comic-Con, says it all about the conflict for When Clark Met Bruce..., the title I'm bestowing on what will likely be called Batman Versus Superman until Warner Brothers confirms.

In the comics, it's the ultimate Good Cop/Bad Cop routine. That would present a problem since the Bruce Wayne as interpreted by Christian Bale and Christopher Nolan, would accept a guy like Henry Cavill's Clark Kent with open arms as long as it meant he stayed in retirement. I say that. If Bale were to give the OK (and God has WB tried), they would work around it.

THR says the shortlist for Bats contenders includes Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling, Joe Manganiello and a few others who won't get it anyway. The dickhead, dwarf leader in The Hobbit trilogy (Richard Armitage), the cool dad to the asshole Australian from Pacific Rim (Max Martini) and Matthew Goode. The plan is for a mean, rugged and experienced Batman; age is expendable. Hence the rubber-band range from the 32 year-old Gosling to the pushing-50 Brolin.

Brolin is cool but he ain't box-office having headlined a couple of pricey stinkers for WB. Labeled to frontrunner status, according to the trades, some have suggested an offer is already on Brolin's table. Without a script in hand (let alone in existence) and screen-testing in the suit, I wouldn't pay much attention to that. The Gosling appeal I'll never understand. What, because he played a quiet, skull-thumping do-gooder in Drive, that makes him perfect for Batman? Sorry, but I don't see it. Manganiello, I'm not surprised to hear. He was the Runner-Up for Superman a few years ago and someone who Snyder liked quite a bit.

Alas none of these guys are the kind of choices to excite the general masses to want to see this over The Avengers: Age of Ultron. Unless their name is Christian Bale (or Joseph Gordon-Levitt).

Weekend Box Office: August 2-4

Courtesy of Box Office Mojo:

1.  2 Guns - $27.3 million

2.  The Wolverine - $21.7 million

3.  The Smurfs 2 - $18.2 million

4.  The Conjuring - $13.6 million

5.  Despicable Me 2 - $10.3 million

6.  Grown Ups 2 - $8.1 million

7.  Turbo - $6.4 million

8.  Red 2 - $5.6 million

9.  The Heat - $4.7 million

10.  Pacific Rim - $4.5 million

Action won out over Smurfs during a relatively quiet weekend at the box office, with 2 Guns taking in a decent-but-not-spectacular $27.3 million.  Tracking and the always-reliable Denzel Washington in the lead saw the action thriller possibly opening over $30 million, but after a strong start on Friday, business slowed for the rest of the weekend.  Still, it's a respectable start, and it's Washington's fifth-best opening weekend.

Falling to second-place is The Wolverine, which earned an estimated $21.7 million.  That's a 59% drop from its underwhelming opening last week, but a much better second weekend drop than the much-maligned X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which dropped 69% in its second weekend in 2009.  The X-Men films have never had particularly great legs at the box office, but with not a whole lot of competion and what appears to be decent word-of-mouth (it's a really good movie, dammit!), it's hanging in there.  It's doing great business overseas, where it's earned $159 million. 

Even more grateful for its overseas haul is The Smurfs 2, which underperformed stateside this weekend with $18.2 million.  The original Smurfs earned $35.6 million on it's opening weekend in 2011, but the sequel has only earned $27.8 million since opening last Wednesday.  But it's earned nearly double that amount overseas with $52 million, so don't go scratching The Smurfs 3 off of your 2015 calendars just yet. 

The Conjuring had another great weekend, crossing the $100 million mark with $13.6 million.  That's particularly impressive for a horror film, as those usually disappear after their first weekend. 

In limited release, Woody Allen's Blue Jasmine earned an excellent $2 million in just 50 theaters, while The Way Way Back earned $2.8 million and Fruitvale Station earned $2.7 million.

A pair of kids' films will not being doing the Smurfs any favors next weekend, as Disney's Planes and Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters will be opening in theaters.  Folks looking for laughs can enjoy We're The Millers, while the IMAX should be busy again next weekend with the arrival of Elysium. 

Universal Suffers Brain Damage - Thinks You Want Another Bourne-Absent Bourne Movie

Audiences weren't as stupid as Universal was hoping last summer. The Diet Jason Bourne entry The Bourne Legacy didn't perform. You can't call it a Jason Bourne movie if Matt Damon isn't in it or at least recast the role and the general movie-going public, to their credit, called them out. Nobody cared about the Flowers for Algernon-inspired Aaron Cross, played by latest studio-pimped "Next Big Thing" Jeremy Renner who, to be fair, is a very good actor. He's just not an action star.

Whether it is arrogance or stupidity at play (Struggling to pick between the two), the studio is moving forward on a fifth installment. Once again with Renner. One again using the Bourne brand-name with the amnesia-stricken ass-kicker nowhere in sight.

Anthony Peckham (Invictus) has first crack at the script. Then a bunch of others will write over them, Son of Bourne 2 gets made and then audiences will once again reject it leaving a dumbfounded Universal to wonder, "What happened?"

Yes, kids, that studio is run by morons.

Ellen DeGeneres to Suck at Hosting Oscars Again

Being a generally cool human being with a good sense of humor and enjoyable talk show was enough to entice the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences to gamble on Ellen DeGeneres to host a few years back. It was one of the worst hosting duties in recent memory.

So the Academy in their infinite wisdom is taking a second bite at that apple, announcing DeGeneres as the host for the 86^th annual ceremony next year.

Hosting the Oscars is not a "Second Chance" kinda gig. You bring everything you have at that moment. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity after all, and God love her... she was awful (Remember the bit where she "directs" Steven Spielberg as to taking a picture?) But yeah Academy, that makes sense.

Source: Variety

Let Me Drink Your Tears: Live-Action AKIRA Back On Track At WB

 

AKIRA has had a strange time in development hell; but according to Variety, things are back on track (again, again, AGAIN) and the adaption of the critically acclaimed anime film and manga series might hit theaters sometime in 2015 with Spanish director Jaume Collet-Serra (Orphan, House of Wax, Unknown) in the director's chair, and Leonardo DiCaprio set to produce with Exec producer being the director the original 1988 film, Katsuhiro Otomo.

In early 2012, the studio shut down pre-production so that fixes could be made to the script, including tightening the budget from its original $90 million range. At the time, Collet-Serra was in such high demand coming off the recent success of the Liam Neeson action pic “Unknown,” that he decided to leave instead of waiting for the changes to be made so that he could pursue other projects. He eventually landed another Neeson pic, “Non Stop,” which bows next February.

The studio did begin looking at other directors recently, including “Catfish” helmers Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, in hopes of finding someone who could deliver a film on a more smaller scale. But ultimately, the studio was still in love with Collet-Serra’s vision, and sources say the director found time in his schedule as well as a new way to appraoch the adaptation that would meet the studio’s budget request.

Collet-Serra is currently in pre-production on the crime pic “Run All Night” with Neeson, Joel Kinnaman and Ed Harris and would do “Akira” afterwards in spring of 2014. It is unknown what the new budget would be.

AKIRA's last attempted release supposedly had Gary Oldman (then Ken Watanabe), Helena Bonham Carter, Garett Hedlund, and Kristen Stewart set to star.

So, you think this will actually happen? I really hope Warner Bros have settled the budget issues that have plagued the film so we can finally see it. I love the original film; but I always love seeing new takes on things, and unlike the rest of the internet, I'm excited to see this come into fruition.

James Cameron and 20th Century Fox Give You The Franchise No One Wanted: AVATAR 2-4

 

I sure hope you liked AVATAR, because you'll be seeing a shit load of these zany blue bastards until at least 2018.

20th Century Fox apparently put out a release today, mentioning that Josh Friedman (War of the Worlds), the duo behind Rise of the Planet of the Apes as well as Jurassic Park IV, Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver, and Shane Salerno who brought us last summer's SAVAGES will all be helping James "Raising the Bar" Cameron to raise the bar even further with AVATAR 4 to be filmed in 5-D. 

The three pictures will be filmed simultaneously with production beginning next year. The release of the first sequel will be in December 2016, with the second to follow in December 2017, and the third a year later. Avatar 2, 3, and 4 will be produced by Cameron and Jon Landau through their Lightstorm Entertainment banner. Like the original film, Lightstorm will work with Joe Letteri and his team at WETA Digital to realize the worlds of the sequels.

James Cameron also went on to say he was pretty happy about churning these things out for you guys, instead of filming something people actually want to see, like his movie about the ill-fated deep sea diver, Audrey Mestre, The Dive, or Battle Angel Alita or something else cool and original.

"Building upon the world we created with Avatar has been a rare and incredibly rewarding experience. In writing the new films, I've come to realize that Avatar's world, story and characters have become even richer than I anticipated, and it became apparent that two films would not be enough to capture everything I wanted to put on screen. And to help me continue to expand this universe, I'm pleased to bring aboard Amanda, Rick, Shane and Josh -- all writers I've long admired -­ to join me in completing the films screenplays."

20th Fox chairman Jim Gianopulos said:

"We at the studio have no higher priority, and can feel no greater joy, than enabling Jim to continue and expand his vision of the world of Avatar.' The growing breadth and scale of Jim Cameron's plans for his magnificent fantasy worlds continue to amaze us all."

Well there you have it, you'll keep getting blue cat people and you'll love it. Given that AVATAR was the #1 Movie of All Time That Changed Cinema Forever, it's gonna be a bright future for people who consider themselves 'Neytiri-fetishists'.

FULL Look At X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST's Sentinels

 

Courtesy of Bryan Singer's Twitter (where so many things come from it should be it's own movie news website by now), we get out first full look at the mutant-hunting robots known as Sentinels, from Tyrion Lannister's Trask Industries.

 

Why do all the badguys dig purple? I have a feeling the Sentinels and the Decepticons would have a lot in common.

See them in action on the big-screen in May 2014; and hopefully we'll get a trailer sometime soon.